Doll House Episode 12: Was orignally 90 minutes.

Previously on Dollhouse: Shit. Went. Down.

Picking up right where last week left off, Doc Sexy Scars is running around saying she needs help.

Harry J. Lennix says the horse has left the barn, Olivia Williams barks some orders, and things are off to a great start.

Topher the Tech informs us that Dushku’s tracking strip has been removed, and bio-links have been severed. In layman’s terms they can’t find her with computers.

Williams says she wants to know what her imprint is, and hell, don’t we all? Topher says he’s looking, Williams says to keep looking.

Then Doc Sexy Scars tells Topher, in a grave tone, “He asked me if I always wanted to be a doctor,” giving a little more credence to the theory that the Doc is a doll as well.

Topher is a little taken aback. “Who could fathom the mind of a crazy person?”

“The one who made him crazy, maybe?” The Doc says.

And we are on the road, Alpha Tyduk asks Echo is she likes her new togs (which is a REALLY slangy thing to say, but it works), and is speaking like Deniro in Cape Fear. . . and so is Dushku.

I’m a little miffed that whenever they want to portray some sort of Bonnie/Clyde thing that have some sort of uneducated accent. I guarantee you educated people have done some jacked up things, but one has to wonder if regional attitudes affect the way things are jacked up.

I digress.

Alpha Tyduk is really crazy. Like arguing with himself crazy. Dushku has been implanted with some sort of street kid whom Alpha says was “13. Already a woman.”

Whoa, creepy. There’s some really great dialogue here about how maybe they actually never knew each other, maybe they were just programmed with each other. Why one would program a pair of dangerous criminals I can’t be sure, but whatever.

Apparently they robbed a clothing store, and Dushku unleashes her drawl on the clerk they took hostage, and they drive and snuggle.

Roll the opening credits!

It says “A Few Years Ago. . .” Which makes me wonder how long Dushku has been a doll. Like she turned 18 and signed up? Makes sense within the timeline.

So they really did imprint paranoid criminal personalities into the actives. Very stupid, I’m sorry.

Alpha Tyduk is/has tortured a dude while a sweet young thing, presumably Dushku, swings her hips in front of a Super Trooper light to the crooning of Roy Orbison. Damn can she move.

Apparently these two spotted the vans following them, and are sure that Poor Schmuck #42 is working for them. Alpha Tyduk insists on the truth. So he tells him. They’re not real. They have clearly programmed Micky and Malory for this rich idiot who some how had this fantasy about a crime spree with two crazy people.

Were I in a management position at the Dollhouse, I would probably have told this dude to keep his money.

Alpha Tyduk calls his girl, Crystal over, and it’s the Doc. Wholly unscarred. (Good call, by the way.) She is wearing much less than she usually wears and it is some where between scalding hot and shamefully voyeuristic.

The dollhouse is closing in, and then we are treated to a creepy sequence that combines elements of torture, lap dancing and a manage et trois. That’s just really nasty. Doc is having way too much fun. It’s nice to see her enjoying herself, but lord is that unpleasant to watch.

Dollhouse breaks down the door before the climax (in several senses of the word, these are thrill killers, after all) and yes, the doll’s name is Whiskey.

ASIDE: Apparently there was supposed to be way more dolls in this show, an example would be Tango, who would be the older woman type. Makes a lot of sense, because if you have a monopoly on something, the more niche markets you cater to, the more profit you are more or less guaranteed. In terms of a story, it’s rather a shame that has turned into another show about tiny brunettes.

Present Day, Dollhouse Puzzle Palace Headquarters: Williams has had Helo just kinda chilling in her office while they controlled the chaos, and when they return, she has Lennix take the cuffs off she has everyone else except Lennix leave the room.

She summarizes the parts of the previous episodes Helo wasn’t around for and says “The Alpha Situation was an unfortunate technological anomaly.”

Helo is a like “What have you people done?”

And Williams, who has admitted at least once about feeling guilty about her job, is all self righteous as all hell at Helo, openly saying she wanted the smirk wiped off his face when she tells him Alpha has Dushku. Helo pretty much says frak your couch to what she’s planning, but the building is on lockdown and surrounded by about a company of federal police.

Helo says he can make it go away when he sees his old professional nemesis Romo Lamkin or whatever his name is. He outside and up to him and says there’s no bomb and they’re standing on the dollhouse. The nemesis says “False alarm” and everybody rolls out.


The Doc has sewn up Victor, and he now has a nasty Glasgow smile, and knows he’ll never be his best again. Victor asks the Doc how he can be his best, and the Doc says it’s no longer possible.

“You’re ugly now, you’re disgusting. All you can hope for now is pity.” She says. Naturally, it’s even worse because we know she’s talking about herself.

(There’s been a lot of disfiguring going on lately on network TV. Last weeks lie to me involved women’s eyes being carved out, after, I might add, sexual assault. I think the difference is they use more metaphors on Dollhouse.)

We flash back again and meet the real Doc Saunders, who reminds me of a small town pediatrician, rather than say, a medical doctor who balances “Do No Harm” with the weird moral grayness of the dollhouse.

Apparently Whiskey used to be the most popular girl at the doll house, and probably the cutest until Dushku came along.

Ah. So this back is to Echo’s first day. Williams is showing her around, Alpha is looking hungry while Dushku takes in the dormitory and we find out that a dollhouse contract is five years.

Back to the present, Helo says the memory erasure chair is where they steal people’s souls. Topher is unhappy about having a second tall morally judgmental man in his office.

Williams tells Topher to suck it up and drive on, and the start loading the dolls with a series of programs that is probably “Crack team of forensic super ninjas” or something. Well that’s what I’d do.

Meanwhile, Alpha is battling it out with several personalities, one of which is a snotty British dude, the other is a edneck serial killer, and another is very likely Alan Tyduk. Apparently he’s been stealing people’s personalities and uploading them. . .

During the upload, Sierra the Human Gazelle starts flirting with Helo; which makes him deeply uncomfortable, funny because at 6’2”, he’s a full head taller than she is and he’s squirming because, well let’s face it, Helo has a Knight in Shining Armor Complex, and knights apparently don’t indulge in pleasures of the flesh (except all the goddamned time, man, like have you ever sat down and read those legends?).

Then chef doll gets implanted as her partner and tells the Gazelle to “stop molesting the furniture.” Helo is all kinds of out of sorts, because that either made no sense at all or she just called Helo all kinds of stupid.

Alpha apparently has 48 personalities bouncing around in there, and when he snapped he smashed his original personalities. Then he uploads Caroline into the store clerks’ body and commences with the psychological torture. Then he tells Dushku she needs to let go of being Caroline and embrace her inner. . . crazy person?

Then another flashback. Alpha is working on his Bonzai tree, and Whiskey is about to get sent out again, when Alpha says she should let Echo be number 1. Then he slashes her face.

Topher, looking rather dapper actually, is told to figure out what went wrong and then stuff Alpha in the attic.

And as near as I can tell, the creation of Alpha was due more to dollhouse staff incompetence than anything else.

In the present, Helo tells Williams and Lennix he needs to know who Alpha was. Well, yeah, obviously. Topher thinks it’s bullshit; but I really think the entire time he’s been covering his own mistake which, essentially made Alpha the greatest threat to the dollhouse imaginable.

Speaking of which, so apparently Alpha is going to upload Dushku with a bunch of personalities so she’s the super-killing machine that Alpha is.

Now, the moment I realize he’s going to do this I know for a fact she’s is going fuck Alpha up. Look back at every personality they’ve ever loaded into Echo; all of them have been based on protection or guardianship or something, hell, even a dominatrix is a form protection when you think about it.

Alpha pushes the button, uploads Dushku, and Dushku hits Alpha with an iron pole. Nice.

Helo finds out that Alpha’s real/original name Carl William Craft. “Three names. Always ominus.” He quips.

Apparently he and several others like were furnished by the Department of Corrections, though she doesn’t specify which state, so I’m going to assume California.

So, now we find out the doll house is experimenting on prisoners, which further suggests just how dangerously retarded their management is. Much as Williams can think on her feet, I think there was some idiot in charge before her. Probably one of those cats that insists on being called “sir,” but was never in the military.

Helo says Alpha was evolving into serial killer. He had a murder kit in his car (Home Depot, 29.99), and Lennix is pretty livid about the whole prisoner thing, being an ex-cop an all, I’m sure he believes in rehabilitation. Helo is about ready to roll out, and so is Lennix.

What’s really funny here is that we also have the two other dolls imprinted as bounty hunters, and these two dudes going after the same thing. The two dolls combined weight would be about half of Helo by himself.

Meanwhile, in a place the show itself described as “A lair. . . an evil lair!” Alpha isn’t clear on what just happened (“Dushku done SCHOOLED you, son-son!”), and Dushku is pretty much a super hero. Funny twist that it's the villain creating his own antagonist for once.

As I had anticipated, the Omega experiment has failed miserably because the Echo character is now a supreme moral being, however she’s also started to buy Alpha’s line about how Caroline left Echo to do or be whatever. They fight! This weeks fight is over kind of quick as Dushku graps Alpha with her feet and throws to the ground like a rag doll.

Meanwhile Helo and Lennix are walking into some building somewhere, and Helo, not one for small talk (“So what kind of protein to you use? Like Whey, or eggs or what? What’s your lifting schedule like?”), muses how Lennix fell in the doll house. They’ve tracked down Alpha’s first victim, who is probably a total bad-ass now, let’s face it.

Lennix is concerned that Carl Craft may have nothing to do with Alpha anymore, until they see the angry scar very close in resemblance to the Doc’s. Yeah. Badass.

Back at the Evil Lair TM Dushku is throwing around a ragdoll that bears more than a passing resemblance to Alan Tyduk. They have a little conversation about weakness or something, and she pummels him some more, and comes over to the person implanted with her Caroline self. And this is really confusing.

Super Dushku talks to herself about why and how, and says “I have 38 brains, and not one of them thinks you can sign a contract to be a slave, especially now that we have a black president.” (ZING!) Dushku’s old self: “We have a black president?” (ZING!)

So, they have a warm fuzzy moment, Caroline is “Ready to do this” and Alpha puts a bullet in her throat. Who saw that coming? I mean, DAMN.

Alpha holds the pistol up against the hard drive that contains Caroline and say “Do what I say or I will blow your brain out.”

So. Thirty eight brains, not one of them thought “twist his head around three times while he’s unconscious just to be sure.” Omega indeed.

Back at the office, Topher is sorting through imprints trying to figure out which ones Alpha had used to make Dushku (“Don’t know why Alpha would imprint her as backup singer, unless he was starting an evil band.”). On the road, Lennix calls Topher and the move the plot along, now Helo and Lennix know the location of the Evil Lair ™.

Alpha is explaining his evil plan, which actually makes a degree of sense. Now that he despises Caroline, he’s going to kidnap women from all over the country, imprint them with the Caroline personality, and murder them in the same fashion every time.

Dushku realizes Alpha can’t shoot the hard drive for that reason, and calls his bluff. He shoots her in the arm and she runs.

Helo and Lennix arrive at the Evil Lair TM, and it’s a little funny how well they work together having just beat the living hell out of each other about four hours ago in the show’s continuity.

Alpha tosses the hard drive from up high and departs, mostly to stop Dushku from pursuing, because let’s face it, she would own his ass. It falls and Helo, having played a lot of rugby as a boy in Canada, catches it.

There is a weird tension as we get back to the office, as Doc Scars asks Topher why she imprinted with computer skills, and she also Topher why she was programmed to hate him. That’s a little odd. Then she walks off, saying she knows who she is.

In Williams office, apparently the have a new contractor, Helo! Just, yeah, go ahead and give up that whole moral kick you were on there, bro. Meanwhile In exchange, they’ll release the girl. It’s the Chef Doll! Awwww, snuggles! She signs her last paperwork and is free, never knowing who Helo is.

Cue the Emo Rock for the final montage. Doc gives Victor a lollipop. Helo introduces himself to the Chef Doll’s real personality, says he’s no one. Dushku touches Topher’s chest. Lennix and Williams realize they’ve compromised some one else and feel kind of crappy about it.


-What the hell happened to the bounty hunting? Does anyone else feel like this episode was originally at least thirty minutes longer? They completely dropped the bounty hunter plot thread. I mean, damn, there must have been other scenes they could have used that wouldn’t have turned out to be completely extraneous.

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